Top Her Couture

"All girls are princesses.  It is our rite."  ~ The Little Princess This is particularly true of Lily.  A beautiful, champion bred rottweiler.  She was the runt of her litter.  Most people thought she was a boy even though her small stature and kind eyes said, "I'm a girl!"  I even bought her the girliest designer collars, so no one would be mistaken.  Whenever we would have our mom and daughter days, we would get our toe nails painted the same, hang out with her brother Otis and go to the doggy bakery to pick out a treat or new toy.  She never picked the same thing twice.  She would always prance around after she got her toe nails painted and especially hated getting her feet wet right afterwords.  er favorite things were belly rubs, children, Good Times Pawbenders, and anything with a squeaky in it.  I loved the way she would try to get as close as possible.  Even if she was about to push you over, she was never cl...

So long as we imagine it is we who have to look for God, we must often lose heart. But it is the other way about-He is looking for us. - Simon Tugwell Can it possibly get any more uncertain than this? We so long for life to be better than it is. We wish the beauty and love and adventure would stay and that someone strong and kind would show us how to make the Arrows go away. We hope that God will be our hero. Of all the people in the universe, he could stop the Arrows and arrange for just a little more blessing in our lives. He can spin the earth, change the weather, topple governments, obliterate armies, and resurrect the dead. Is it too much to ask that he intervene in our story? But he often seems aloof, almost indifferent to our plight, so entirely out of our control. Would it be any worse if there were no God? If he didn't exist, at least we wouldn't get our hopes up. We could settle once and for all that we really are alone in the universe and get on with surviving as bes...

Time has come for us to forgive our fathers. Paul warns us that unforgiveness and bitterness can wreck our lives and the lives of others (Eph. 4:31; Heb. 12:15). I am sorry to think of all the years my wife endured the anger and bitterness that I redirected at her from my father. As someone has said, forgiveness is setting a prisoner free and then discovering the prisoner was you. I found some help in Bly's experience of forgiving his own father, when he said, "I began to think of him not as someone who had deprived me of love or attention or companionship, but as someone who himself had been deprived, by his father and his mother and by the culture." My father had his own wound that no one ever offered to heal. His father was an alcoholic, too, for a time, and there were some hard years for my dad as a young man just as there were for me. Now you must understand: Forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling, but an act of the will. As Neil Anderson has written, "Don...

Whatever the details might be, when a man speaks of the greatest gift his father gave him-if his father gave him anything at all worth remembering-it is always the passing on of masculinity. This is essential, for life will test you. Like a ship at sea, you will be tested, and the storms will reveal the weak places in you as a man. They already have. How else do you account for the anger you feel, the fear, the vulnerability to certain temptations? You know what I speak of. And so our basic approach to life comes down to this: we stay in what we can handle, and steer clear of everything else. We engage where we feel we can or we must-as at work-and we hold back where we feel sure to fail, as in the deep waters of relating to our wife or our children, and in our spirituality. Masculine initiation is a journey, a process, a quest really, a story that unfolds over time. It can be a very beautiful and powerful event to experience a blessing or a ritual, to hear words spoken to us in a...

For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them. (Matt. 13:15) "And I would heal them." That's a different offer from: "And I would forgive them." It's a different offer from: "And I will give them a place in heaven." No, Jesus is offering healing to us. Look at what he does to people who are broken. How does he handle them? The blind are able to see like a hawk. The deaf are able to hear a pin drop. The lame do hurdles. The corroding skin of the leper is cleansed and made new. The woman with the issue of blood stops hemorrhaging. The paralyzed servant hops out of bed. They are, every last one of them, healed. Now follow this closely: everything Jesus did was to illustrate what he was trying to say . Here-look at this-this is what I'm offering ...

True strength does not come out of bravado. Until we are broken, our life will be self-centered, self-reliant; our strength will be our own. So long as you think you are really something in and of yourself, what will you need God for? I don't trust a man who hasn't suffered; I don't let a man get close to me who hasn't faced his wound. Think of the posers you know-are they the kind of man you would call at 2:00 A.M., when life is collapsing around you? Not me. I don't want clichés; I want deep, soulful truth, and that only comes when a man has walked the road I've been talking about. As Frederick Buechner says, To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do-to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst-is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel ...

Even Jesus endured assault-not the open accusation that he had a wicked heart, but the more subtle kind, the seemingly "innocent" Arrows that come through "misunderstanding." After this, Jesus went around in Galilee, purposely staying away from Judea because the Jews there were waiting to take his life. But when the Jewish Feast of Tabernacles was near, Jesus' brothers said to him, "You ought to leave here and go to Judea, so that your disciples may see the miracles you do. No one who wants to become a public figure acts in secret. Since you are doing these things, show yourself to the world." For even his own brothers did not believe in him. (John 7:1-5) I think we can relate to that. Did your family believe in you? Or did they believe in the person they wanted you to be? Did they even notice your heart at all? Have they been thrilled in your choices, or has their disappointment made it clear that you just aren't what you're supposed to b...

Either we wake to tackle our "to do" list, get things done, guided by our morals and whatever clarity we may at the moment have (both rather lacking to the need, I might add); or we wake in the midst of a dangerous Story, as God's intimate ally, following him into the unknown. If you're not pursuing a dangerous quest with your life, well, then, you don't need a Guide. If you haven't found yourself in the midst of a ferocious war, then you won't need a seasoned Captain. If you've settled in your mind to live as though this is a fairly neutral world and you are simply trying to live your life as best you can, then you can probably get by with the Christianity of tips and techniques. Maybe. I'll give you about a fifty-fifty chance. But if you intend to live in the Story that God is telling, and if you want the life he offers, then you are going to need more than a handful of principles, however noble they may be. There are too many twists and turns...

Guys are unanimously embarrassed by their emptiness and woundedness; it is for most of us a tremendous source of shame, as I've said. But it need not be. From the very beginning, back before the Fall and the assault, ours was meant to be a desperately dependent existence. It's like a tree and its branches, explains Christ. You are the branches, I am the trunk. From me you draw your life; that's how it was meant to be. In fact, he goes on to say, "Apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5). He's not berating us or mocking us or even saying it with a sigh, all the while thinking, I wish they'd pull it together and stop needing me so much. Not at all. We are made to depend on God; we are made for union with him, and nothing about us works right without it. As C. S. Lewis wrote, "A car is made to run on gasoline, and it would not run properly on anything else. Now God designed the human machine to run on himself. He himself is the fuel our spirits we...

From the place of our woundedness we construct a false self. We find a few gifts that work for us, and we try to live off them. Stuart found he was good at math and science. He shut down his heart and spent all his energies perfecting his "Spock" persona. There, in the academy, he was safe; he was also recognized and rewarded. "When I was eight," confesses Brennan Manning, "the impostor, or false self, was born as a defense against pain. The impostor within whispered, 'Brennan, don't ever be your real self anymore because nobody likes you as you are. Invent a new self that everybody will admire and nobody will know.'" Notice the key phrase: "as a defense against pain," as a way of saving himself. The impostor is our plan for salvation. So God must take it all away. He thwarts our plan for salvation; he shatters the false self. Our plan for redemption is hard to let go of; it clings to our hearts like an octopus. Why would God do s...

I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name. (Isa. 45:2-3) God's imagery of going before us lets us know that he desires us to go on a journey. This is not so frightening. Most of us are aware that the Christian life requires a pilgrimage of some sort. We know we are sojourners. What we have sometimes not given much thought to is what kind of a journey we are to be taking. Not realizing it is a journey of the heart that is called for, we make a crucial mistake. We come to a place in our spiritual life where we hear God calling us. We know he is calling us to give up the less-wild lovers that have become so much a part of our identity, embrace our nakedness, and trust in his goodness. As we stand at this intersection of God's calling, we look ...

This is the power of addiction. Whatever the object of our addiction is, it attaches itself to our intense desire for eternal and intimate communion with God and each other in the midst of Paradise-the desire that Jesus himself placed in us before the beginning of the world. Nothing less than this kind of unfallen communion will ever satisfy our desire or allow it to drink freely without imprisoning it and us. Once we allow our heart to drink water from these less-than-eternal wells with the goal of finding the life we were made for, it overpowers our will, and becomes, as Jonathan Edwards said, "like a viper, hissing and spitting at God" and us if we try to restrain it. "Nothing is less in power than the heart and far from commanding, we are forced to obey it," said Jean Rousseau. Our heart will carry us either to God or to addiction. "Addiction is the most powerful psychic enemy of humanity's desire for God," says Gerald May in Addiction and Grac...

Here are 5 key questions to experience relaxation, stillness, and peace while resting in the uncertainty of the unknown: [ This is a contribution by Lynn Zavaro]-   1. What if I didn’t have to search and know what I want right now? Searching causes us to look for something “out there” in order to fill a perceived sense of lack, when what may serve us more right now is to simply be in the emptiness.  When something is ripe and ready, it will come to us as an insight, a direct “knowing,” as if from a higher place beyond the mind.  As if from nowhere, we feel in our hearts an unquestioning “Yes!” In the effort of “trying to find,” we jut out into the future. Yet, it’s really in the present moment where we actually discover it.  Looking back, we realize there were many important things we learned.  It was all divinely perfect how it happened and came to be. 2. What if I didn’t have to force change to happen? I used to love puzzles, but those 1,000+ piec...

Embrace the Feelings Breaking up with someone can feel like a major loss. It’s crucial to give yourself time to mourn the end of the relationship; however, it’s important to remember that everyone mourns differently. Some people cry, get angry, lash out, become sad, or deny that the relationship is really over. If you’re anything like me, you’re likely to feel all of these emotions at once. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling a certain way. This tendency is a “double bad.” You experience a negative emotions (sadness) and then make yourself feel even worse for experiencing it (guilt). We often think that we should be handling a break up better than we are.  We tell ourselves things like “I should be over him by now,” or “I should be handling this better,” or “I shouldn’t let this get to me.” But, in actuality there is no “right” way to get over somebody. Despite the numerous manuals and self-help books that have been written on this topic, the only real way to deal with a breakup ...

We are the sons and daughters of God, even more, the Beloved, pursued by God himself. We might think that, having our heart and mind bolstered by these images of beauty and truth, we would live our lives with courage and energy that arise out of the exuberant hope we have in the future. But there is another voice that whispers in our ear a very different message: a message in a minor and condemning key; a key that dilutes or even erases the truths John has portrayed so well. Some of this music in minor key we can ascribe to the pathos of living on this side of the Fall. Along with the creation itself, we will experience an inner groaning until Christ returns to wipe away every tear and establish his kingdom with us in joy and laughter. But what is the source of the persistent accusations in our head and heart? It is a voice that speaks to us in tones and words vaguely familiar. The words and accusations that slide almost unnoticed into our consciousness are words we have heard before...

The Scriptures employ a wide scale of metaphors to capture the many facets of our relationship with God. If you consider them in a sort of ascending order, there is a noticeable and breathtaking progression. Down near the bottom of the totem pole we are the clay and he is the Potter. Moving up a notch, we are the sheep and he is the Shepherd, which is a little better position on the food chain but hardly flattering; sheep don't have a reputation as the most graceful and intelligent creatures in the world. Moving upward, we are the servants of the Master, which at least lets us into the house, even if we have to wipe our feet, watch our manners, and not talk too much. Most Christians never get past this point, but the ladder of metaphors is about to make a swift ascent. God also calls us his children and himself our heavenly Father, which brings us into the possibility of real intimacy- love is not one of the things a vase and its craftsman share together, nor does a sheep truly kno...

The story of Eve holds such rich treasures for us to discover. The essence and purpose of a woman are unveiled here in the story of her creation. These profound, eternal, mythic themes are written not just here in the coming of Eve, but in the soul of every woman after. Woman is the crown of creation-the most intricate, dazzling creature on earth. She has a crucial role to play, a destiny of her own. And she, too, bears the image of God. But in a way that only the feminine can speak. What can we learn from her? God wanted to reveal something about himself, so he gave us Eve. When you are with a woman, ask yourself, What is she telling me about God? It will open up wonders for you. First, you'll discover that God is relational to his core, that he has a heart for romance. Second, that he longs to share adventures with us-adventures we cannot accomplish without him. And finally, that God has a beauty to unveil. A beauty that is captivating and powerfully redemptive. ( Captivat...

"Believe in something greater than yourself" My "in the beginning" began before I could conceive a start.  The "once upon a time" qualities not as distinguishing as the fairy tales we have grown up with.  The "happily ever after" not fortold yet.  It is a story of a deeply imagined love, courage, and vulnerability of faith & hope. It was a hot summer day in August where I locked eyes with him.  His crystal blue eyes opened into a kind, gentle, and hopeful soul.  His smile brightened the whole room with one smirk.  His hands rough to the touch but gentle in action.  It was an instant and undeniable thought of "someday, I'm going to marry this man."  This began a 3 year roller coaster which I would happily ride again. I found a man who had not been loved by a woman like myself.  He continually stepped [more so ran] from it with every breath I had- placing many obstacles in between us.  He took these arrows and pierc...

And so Screwtape reveals the Enemy's ploy-first make humans flabby, with small passions and desires, then offer a sop to those diminished passions so that their experience is one of contentment. They know nothing of great joy or great sorrow. They are merely nice . Christianity has come to the point where we believe that there is no higher aspiration for the human soul than to be nice. We are producing a generation of men and women whose greatest virtue is that they don't offend anyone. Then we wonder why there is not more passion for Christ. How can we hunger and thirst after righteousness if we have ceased hungering and thirsting altogether? As C. S. Lewis said, "We castrate the gelding and bid him be fruitful." The greatest enemy of holiness is not passion; it is apathy. Look at Jesus. He was no milksop. His life was charged with passion. After he drove the crooks from the temple, "his disciples remembered that it is written: 'Zeal for your house wil...

Choosing love will open spaces of immense beauty and joy for you, but you will be hurt. You already know this. You have retreated from love countless times in your life because of it. We all have. We have been and will be hurt by the loss of loved ones, by what they have done to us and we to them. Even in the bliss of love there is a certain exquisite pain: the pain of too much beauty, of overwhelming magnificence. Further, no matter how perfect a love may be, it is never really satisfied . . . In both joy and pain, love is boundless. (Gerald May, The Awakened Heart ) Desire is the source of our most noble aspirations and our deepest sorrows. The pleasure and the pain go together; indeed, they emanate from the same region in our hearts. We cannot live without the yearning, and yet the yearning sets us up for disappointment-sometimes deep and devastating disappointment. One storm claimed the lives of eight of Krakauer's companions in the Everest disaster of 1996. Should they not h...