Top Her Couture

Self sabotage very rarely hurts just self.  Like a bomb, it has a radius.  Usually causing the ones closest to us to be defenseless against a shock wave of guilt, disappointment, hurt, humiliation, etc.  Self Sabotage is a projectile that ultimately will destroy the best things for us.  It takes away the ability to grow and thrive in so many instances.  It also takes away a lot of choices not just from us but from others.  This form of control keeps our wounds open.  It withholds forgiveness, hope, love, affection, etc.  It clouds our judgement and our true selves.   Check yourself  often .  Check your heart.   Check your motives.  Check your attitude. 

"And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free"  JOHN 8:32 Honesty is a characteristic that is slowly dying in this day and age.  So many of us in the fast lane thinking we can leave our wrongs curbside and speed into the distance with no consequence.  Many of us constantly [not only lying to ourselves] but to others to avoid dealing with the pains.  Usually the pains we ourselves have caused.  We form a constant boundary of victimization and masks hoping it will disappear as soon as we are on to the next thing and/or person. Being able to talk openly and honestly to others about ourselves reflects self-responsibility.  It takes away the power of those wrongs, helps to release the pain, and allows us an indescribable freedom.  It allows us to stop playing the victim of our own circumstance and feeling sorry for ourselves.  It is a leap to becoming healthy and happy.  The more clear and specific we are with others, ourse...

I have a tendency to be impatient, knee-jerk, and have the ability to go from 0-60 in 3.2 seconds [and I am not talking about in a car].  Recently a situation raised a lot of questions within myself.  How can I be fine and then be at Def Con 1 within only a few minutes?  The answer is fear! We all have our defense mechanisms when it comes to being afraid.  Some of us run, some of us fight, some of sweat profusely, some of us freeze, and some of us get angry.  We all have our way(s) of coping with the unknown and often we project it when there is NO need to [even more so at the people we care about the most].  Most conversations and/or situations are more like little learning tasks or mirrors to help us see ourselves and cope in a more healthy way.  They are not ALL emergencies and most of the time if we just wait; it will work itself our for the better.  Usually better than we had hoped for. "If the time is not right, the way is not clear,...

". . . Sometimes we don’t understand the gifts that we receive. It’s so easy to lose sight of why we’re here. That God wants us to live and be happy but according to his plan. And when you receive such a beautiful gift, you should pass it on to others; so they never lose sight of God's plan. . . . But maybe the truth is whispered to us through our dreams like a message from a friend that arrives exactly at the right time telling us exactly the words we need to hear. It’s so easy to get lost. Chasing a life that we thought we wanted convincing ourselves that power, fame, or wealth will make us happy. That we lose sight of what is truly important and all we need is that little push to reveal what has been missing. See it’s the love our family, our friends, and most importantly the love of God that will bring us happiness. We just need to take that first step and reach for it. See its okay to follow a dream as long as we do not abandon those that truly love us. So...

We live in a world filled with uniqueness.  Each day.  Each situation.  Each person.  Each journey.  There are no two paths alike.  We make the best of it.  We overcome the cracks, bumps, mountains; and regardless of whether we can walk a mile in their shoes.  The fact is, we are not them and they are not us.  Their journey will never be like ours. I often see posts of one-sided, tunnel vision, egotistical, and rather troublesome statements of what competing should look like or how much time it should take.  I personally find it belittling and disrespectful to fellow competitors.  Who are we to judge what it should or shouldn't be.  Each of us has our strengths and weaknesses when getting ready to take stage.  Some of us it is mental.  Others it is genetics.  Sometimes it is food & dieting.  Some of us take longer that a month to get on stage for whatever reason; but that reason is theirs.  We ...

Today, I will be grateful.  I will start the process of turning today's pain into tomorrow's joy.  I will also take responsibility for myself and show it to others by not allowing myself to be victimized.  I cannot control outcomes but I can control my attitude toward being victimized.  I am not a victim;  I do not deserve to be victimized. Boy does the world move fast and just as quickly as the day came so do problems, trials, and tribulations.  The key is gratitude!  Allowing gratitude to fill our lives helps us to stop trying to control outcomes and allow even the most horrific to be a blessing.  It also allows us to own our own power in the situation.  Delivering us from victimization and allowing to be victimized! That helpless, frustrated, full of rage feeling we get when things don't go our way or when someone over steps their boundaries or ours.  The fact is we have no control over the choices other people make [no matter ...

Today, I will practice prayer and meditation.  Whether I feel desperate, uneasy, or peaceful, I will make the effort to connect with my Higher Power, at least for a moment today. Prayer is a great form of not only loving a Higher Power, but also ourselves.  It gives us a chance to to connect with the deeper part(s) of 'us', our life, and our growth.  The relationship we develop with the Higher Power allows us to be heard, touched, and even changed for the best.  Prayer is not necessarily a religion thing.  It is merely a link to our soul. Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer.  PSALM 4:1

Today, I will rally my own cause.  I will remember that it is okay to stand up for myself when that action is appropriate.  Help me, God, to let go of my need to be victimized.  Help me appropriately, and with confidence, stand up for myself. It is easy to want to fight other peoples' battles especially when it is someone we care about.  We often give them advise like,"stand up for yourself"; yet we rarely use these words for ourselves.  Walking our kind & loving path we may come across situations [often] that put us deeper into the hand of those who could mistreat us or continue to mistreat us.  Set healthy boundaries.  Use each situation as a learning experience.  Do not give up on your morals and what is right!  Always remember the things that are most important to you and don't allow people to violate them-deal breakers!  If you have a strong belief in monogamy, don't settle for a cheater.  If you have a strong belief i...

" Today, I will let myself be angry, if I need to.  I can feel and release my emotions, including anger, constructively.  I will be grateful for my anger and the things it is trying to show me.  I can feel and accept all my emotions without shame, and I can take responsibility for my actions ." ~ The Language Of Letting Go Anger is part of life.  It should not be ignored but also should not be hunted down nor consume us.  Just because we are positive, grateful, and healthy does not mean anger doesn't happen and if we cannot accept anger in our lives; it will surely rule us. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,  and do not give the devil a foothold.  He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.  Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is ...

Well, it's that time of year again.  The time where we set new goals for ourselves-most call these New Years resolutions.  This year an acquaintance made a good point about these "resolutions".  The fact is, most resolutions are short lived as they are focusing on a past behavior, time, or shortcoming.  With intentions, we are looking to a future goal [whether short or long term].  This is the year of intentions! For years, I have set resolutions.  Many of the time not completely following through or finding more disappointments than goal achieving.  Resolutions often set one up for failure and we then tend to find ourselves in a downward spiral.  What I have realized is that many of the resolutions we seek or set are things that may not be something to fix.  Yes, we make mistakes.  There are times in life where we are enough.  We don't need fixing or counseling or business. . .sometimes there are NO answers!  We find ours...

"Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful; for beauty is God's handwriting - a wayside sacrament.  Welcome it in every fair face, in every fair sky, in every fair flower, and thank God for it as a cup of blessing." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"We may not reach around the world to people.  But that doesn't mean God doesn't value all we do.  Though each believer may only touch a few lives, that impact may go far beyond what can be seen.  In the end, God may show the whole world that the blessed silver-tongued saint who lived down the street was priceless to Him and His work."

"Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see - how good God is.  Blessed are you who run to him.  Worship God if you want the best; worship opens doors to all his goodness."   ~Psalm 34:8-9

Like the earth, we Christians rejoice at the idea that Jesus will come.  Though we've already begun to experience God's changes in our souls, one day everything about us will be made new in Him.  Everything will be spanking clean, ready to worship the Creator.  That's something to roar with joy about!

"Do a deed of simple kindness; Though its end you may not see, It may reach, like widening ripples, Down a long eternity." Joseph Parker Norris

Let the ways of childish confidence and freedom from care. . .teach you what should be your ways with God.  Leaving yourselves in His hands, learn to be literally "careful for nothing." We should not be fearful of anything.  We should pray about everything and tell the Lord about our desires and what we have need of.  He will take care of us....he is a all sufficient God.

Let us be thankful for every trial that will help to destroy our earthly chariots and that will compel us to take refuge in the chariot of God, which stands ready and waiting beside us in every event and circumstance of life.

1. Admit when you need a break. So often we push ourselves far beyond our mental and physical limits. This is often for a worthy cause, an important goal, or a valued relationship. Unfortunately, when we sacrifice our needs to keep working or giving and “push through,” we frequently sacrifice the quality of what we are doing as well. If I have a week full of deadlines or commitments, I will often award myself a timeout. That might mean taking an evening off and just watching TV, curling up with a book, taking a leisurely walk with the dog, or maybe even taking a much-needed nap. Taking a break can renew your energy and allows you to tackle projects with improved productivity and new perspectives. 2. Commit to yourself. Smartphones and other technologies have made it even easier to over-commit our time and resources. Without even trying, I used to fill my week with coffee dates, book clubs, volunteering, and other appointments. With my life planned out by the hour, time wi...

The maturity of Christian experience cannot be reached in a moment but is the result of the work of God's Holy Spirit who, by His energizing and transforming power, causes us to grow up into Christ in all things . "Be no longer children, but grow in Christ."  Ephesians 4:14-15 If we are to grow in anything we must feed that skill with proper nutrients, spend time and effort to develop, and then apply it to every day activities, thoughts, and actions.  Sure, we may fail a few times or make mistakes-we're human!  It is what we learn from those mistakes and the changes we make in ourselves that allows us to move forward-to grow! Most of the time it requires us to sacrifice our ego and what we think we know and/or want for the unknown.  Take a chance on God and allow yourself to see things through His eyes and His heart.  With that, we can start to become mature through Him and allow Him to be our teacher.  The development of relations with Christ wil...

1. Acknowledge it. I think about my feelings of anger as being a child who is acting out. That child could be hurt, sad, frustrated. or lonely, but right now anger is the only way it knows how to express those deeper emotions. If not acknowledged, short term frustration could lead to long term resentment, with physical effects like tight muscles, insomnia, headaches, and bloating. If something recent has happened, allow yourself to be angry for a set amount of time (15 minutes is usually enough). Yell, punch a pillow, call a trusted friend and vent, or listen to some music that may help you access that emotion. 2. Understand it. If you let it, anger can be one of your greatest teachers. That pure emotion can be a connection to our soul’s deepest desires, and understanding the anger can be the key to moving past it and creating meaningful change in your life. Get silent for a few minutes, and have a conversation with that anger. It could be as simple as “What are you here to sho...