3 Lessons of Break-ups

Embrace the Feelings

Breaking up with someone can feel like a major loss. It’s crucial to give yourself time to mourn the end of the relationship; however, it’s important to remember that everyone mourns differently. Some people cry, get angry, lash out, become sad, or deny that the relationship is really over. If you’re anything like me, you’re likely to feel all of these emotions at once.
Don’t beat yourself up for feeling a certain way. This tendency is a “double bad.” You experience a negative emotions (sadness) and then make yourself feel even worse for experiencing it (guilt). We often think that we should be handling a break up better than we are.  We tell ourselves things like “I should be over him by now,” or “I should be handling this better,” or “I shouldn’t let this get to me.”
But, in actuality there is no “right” way to get over somebody. Despite the numerous manuals and self-help books that have been written on this topic, the only real way to deal with a breakup is…to deal with the breakup.  Remind yourself that these feelings are a natural part of the healing process and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel whenever you feel it.

Stay Present

Instead of dealing with the current state of the relationship, we sometimes tend to keep replaying the past, looking for answers that can’t always be found, or mentally create future situations that allow us to (temporarily) escape the pain.  Depending on my mood, I would either analyze various scenes from our relationship, searching for any type of clue as to why things ended, or imagine a future in which we both realized the error of our ways and ended up happily married (with children).  However, focusing on the past and future forces us to stay stuck in an endless loop of pain and confusion, and prolongs the healing process.  This is where our adversary has the most fun toying with us.  He causes us to worry and fall farther from the Lord.  It is important to resist His false words and stay present in the moment.  Allow the emotional wounds to heal naturally.

Learn Love’s Lesson 

Even though it’s difficult to accept that the relationship has ended, I have still gained invaluable information from the experience that I may not have received otherwise. I am better able to recognize what I need in a relationship and to communicate those needs to others. Also, I’ve found the courage to face some of the issues that floated to the surface in the process of opening myself up to another person.
Yes, sometimes the lessons hurt— like hell.  But learning is an important part of the healing process. No relationship, no matter how negative it may seem, can be considered a “failure” if you have grown as a result of the experience.  God places you where His purpose is best served.
If you’re open to it, each relationship offers the potential for spiritual growth and evolution. Rest in the knowledge that while you’re learning love’s lessons in preparation for your future mate, he or she is being prepared for you, too.  Have faith in God's work and remain close to His word and His heart.

[Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Alana Mbanza]