Message In A Bottle

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"Believe in something greater than yourself"

My "in the beginning" began before I could conceive a start.  The "once upon a time" qualities not as distinguishing as the fairy tales we have grown up with.  The "happily ever after" not fortold yet.  It is a story of a deeply imagined love, courage, and vulnerability of faith & hope.

It was a hot summer day in August where I locked eyes with him.  His crystal blue eyes opened into a kind, gentle, and hopeful soul.  His smile brightened the whole room with one smirk.  His hands rough to the touch but gentle in action.  It was an instant and undeniable thought of "someday, I'm going to marry this man."  This began a 3 year roller coaster which I would happily ride again.

I found a man who had not been loved by a woman like myself.  He continually stepped [more so ran] from it with every breath I had- placing many obstacles in between us.  He took these arrows and pierced our hearts together as if a sniper patiently waited for our hearts to align.  We both spilled out our inner most desires on a ground of torment and chaos-not knowing which pieces belonged to ourselves.  Somehow, our escapes failed and we tried less and less to pull away.  It was in these trials and tribulations, I began my own journey.  Perhaps it is our journey yet to be written.

Within the 3 years of climbing over walls just to find another wall on the other side, I found  I was not alone as I once thought.  He was with me every step of the way.  He was and is with us always.  God was welcomed into my life.  It was a little uncomfortable and overwhelming as my sense of control was taken away.  The realization that I was not the lead role in this story.  That this was not my story at all.
I began to see how valuable and strong I was in this story.  My undeiable and irrevicable love for this man has some purpose.  It began to unfold what kind of character I was (especially with faith and ability to stop running from the arrows).  I let God know of my woes and feelings I beared.  I learned that my old soul was stronger than it had ever acknowledged.  That I abused my beauty-inside & out.  This was a walk He could only guide me over.

I became aware of my hold on desire and false pretenses within them.  Even more so, I was able to share the feelings that came with the arrows to lessen desire's stronghold-allowing me to give back God's role in this story.  So, here we are-no end; perhaps just the beginning.  Each day I let God walk with me.  I release into a peace I have never felt before.  I feel less resentment and animosity for the arrows and those who drove them deep into my fragile heart.  I am starting to see the larger story.  It is here that my burning heart scorches the hands of the timid as it rages with the utmost passion and love.  This is my fable-no end; no beginning.  This is my love-now & forever.

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